Cylinders of High Fructose Death
Sunday, September 10, 2006 (09:28:59)

Posted by Devon

I was working on my latest theme tonight and had an epiphany while downing my 10th soda/pop of the day and it goes like this:

The soda can was obviously one of those malformed dropped ones where the top doesn't go in right as you flip the pop-top. I had to apply a little bit of pressure to get it in so that the flow of liquid would be as consistent as we are all normally used to. Of course in the process I slit my finger wide open. Oh darn those cans sure are sharp! And then it hit me after watching all of the 9/11 stuff plastered on every station for the past couple of days. They do not allow anything as small as fingernail clippers with that little 1/2 blade anymore. Yet, they willingly put soda cans in the laps of every passenger that wants their caffiene and sugar fix for the day (in my case the hour).

So I was like "Jesus Christ do they not realize what they are doing?" I did a search for United's website and tried to use their contact form. It timed out every time. Actually, it did go through once but it just brought me back to their main contact page (effectively looping me without presenting a contact form). I guess they don't want to hear it. So I found the Department of Homeland Security's website. What a nice site and the page gens are really great. So I fill out the contact form and hit submit and I feel like I've done this country a great service. It was very fast and painless. I'm very impressed with their site. I only hope that from now on you will see plastic bottles on flights if you want something to drink and not the potential cylinders of death.

Oh sweet I was able to hit back on my browser and snag the actual form submittal. This is exactly what I sent to the DHS just a few minutes ago.

Something just occured to me. You will not allow aircraft passengers to board with tweazers, nailclippers, pocket knifes, etc.. correct? Yet, you allow the distribution of aluminum cans to every passenger on a long distance flight. If you really want to prevent future incidents where armed terrorists take over a flight with box cutters the plane itself should be thought of as an elongated prison cell. You are literally putting weapons in their hands every single flight. Switch to plastic bottles. I bet it would save the airlines money in the process. You should get DARPA to do the thinking for you.

Just an interesting story I figured I would share with the world. Now I will admit that the chances of something happening with a soda can are remote but what is the likelyhood of 20+ men hijacking 4 planes simultaneously and flying them into buildings... Their creativity and social hacking skills are what caused 9/11. They were more resourceful and adept than we thought. Who is to say that they aren't currently planning a massive takeover of an airline using coke cans and ballpoint pens. If they can find a way into the cockpits again then they would likely use rudementary weapons though I think the chances of having docile passengers has deminished their chances of success. OK this has turned into somewhat of a blog entry than anything else.

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